Pineapple Doesn’t Belong On Pizza

Devonte Burrell

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       My opinion on pineapple pizza is destined to be the downfall of my already dead social life. Arguments on the subject have ruined my friendships, destroyed family events, and obliterated trusts and bonds I had with people I held close. Pineapple pizza has made a mockery and a fool out of pizza. If you desire to add a topping, meat and vegetables is tolerable, but to slap a soaking wet piece of succulent fruit onto a pizza is immoral and disrespectful to the name of pizza. A pizza isn’t pizza once you add a fruit to it. Therefor I believe Pineapple pizza is not a pizza.

       First, in almost every dictionary pizza is defined as the same thing. The Oxford English dictionary defines pizza as, “A dish of Italian origin, consisting of a flat round base of dough baked with a topping of tomatoes and cheese, typically with added meat, fish, or vegetables.”() Dictionary.Com defines pizza as, “A flat, open-faced baked pie of Italian origin, consisting of a thin layer of bread dough topped with spiced tomato sauce and cheese, often garnished with anchovies, sausage slices, mushrooms.”() The Merriam Webster also defines pizza as “ A dish made typically of flattened bread dough spread with a savory mixture usually including tomatoes and cheese and often other toppings and baked.”() I don’t know why, but I’m having trouble spotting the word “fruit” in any of these definitions. It would be highly unlikely that all these verified dictionaries have the wrong definition. If almost every dictionary agrees on the same definition of pizza, and it doesn’t mention pineapple in any of them, why argue? The word Pineapple isn’t mentioned in the definition of a pizza or its orthodox toppings, therefore it doesn’t belong on pizza. Once a pizza has pineapple on it, then I wouldn’t consider it to be pizza anymore. 

       Second, Pineapple is a berry. Why on Earth would someone want to put a berry on their pizza pie. If I were to tell you that I eat grapes, or strawberries on my pizza, you might think I’m insane, or think that I have disgusting taste buds. That is exactly how I feel when I see someone eat Pineapple on their pizza. It’s socially acceptable to put Pineapple on a pizza, but it’s repulsive to think of putting another fruit that is in the same fruit category as a pineapple on pizza as disgusting. You’re contradicting yourself if you say its OK to put a pineapple on pizza but not OK to use another berry, like bananas. Before you attack me for contradicting myself Tomato is considered to be a “fruit”, and also a berry; But it is listed in the definition of a pizza, and is universally considered to be the only acceptable “fruit” to put on a pizza. 

       Finally, on the Nightly Show Gordon Ramsey said, “You don’t put Pineapple on a [censored] pizza.” How are you going to argue with a man who has devoted his entire life to food, and the various flavors that accompany it. This man is a renowned chef, and is known by Billions of people on this planet. To debate with someone who has studied the craft, taste, and history of food for almost a decade would be foolish. The man lives and breaths food, he sees food in his dreams and nightmares, if it were possible, he would be the embodiment of food itself. Why argue with a professional?

       In my opinion pizzas with pineapple toppings are not real pizzas, and shouldn’t be allowed on pizza. It doesn’t follow the definition of a pizza, it is a berry, and Gordon Ramsey doesn’t agree with it. To top it off Hawaiian pizza, which involves pineapple and ham, was made by a Canadian named Sam Panopoulas. God rest his soul, but we have been lied to for almost a century. How could live with knowing that your eating lies. Jokes aside, everyone has a different taste pallet, and finds different flavors pleasing. So it should not and does not matter what we eat. We should accept and respect everyone’s different food interests, except for pineapple pizza.